Outsmarting grief
You may not be able to escape grief, but I believe there are ways to make it less hard:
- Do something helpful. This is where your power is. Whether it's getting on a plane to visit family, calling your elderly aunt, or just celebrating another person's joy, contributing in a difficult time helps put grief into perspective. "Action absorbs anxiety." – Hans Selye
- Let your best be enough. So you've made the trip. You've called the friend or relative. You've said your most beautiful, tender goodbye. You have given all you can give. Let that be enough. It is enough.
Sometimes I think we lament and resent how much other people expect of us, when it's up to us to set and uphold clear, reasonable boundaries – others may not like them, but they will come to respect them. Write this down: You and your boundaries are a package deal. - Be thankful. Not to negate your grief, but to loosen its grip on your heart. Awhile back as I was grieving a fresh, unexpected loss, what came to me were six words from A Chorus Line: "The gift was ours to borrow."
Even saying that now, I'm breathing better. Incidentally, don't let anyone negate your grief, minimize or judge it. Even if you lost your goldfish. If the loss matters to you, it matters. No justifications needed.
Finally, and I speak from experience on this, when grief overtakes you, resist the all-too-human tendency to blame and curse God – the God who loves us more than we love ourselves, the God who suffers and grieves alongside us. Talk to Him.